{"id":32611,"date":"2025-05-06T04:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-06T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/esperanzaunited.org\/?p=32611"},"modified":"2025-08-27T10:33:01","modified_gmt":"2025-08-27T15:33:01","slug":"the-mothers-who-taught-me-everything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/esperanzaunited.org\/en\/the-mothers-who-taught-me-everything\/","title":{"rendered":"The mothers who taught me everything"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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A Mother\u2019s Day Reflection Inspired by an Interview with Vivian <\/span>Huelgo<\/span>, CEO of Esperanza United<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>
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By Silvana Domke<\/p>

This Mother\u2019s Day, I\u2019ve been thinking deeply about the mothers who have shaped my understanding of strength \u2013 not just in my personal life, but through the stories I\u2019ve had the honor to hear and share in my work.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Recently, I had the privilege of interviewing Vivian Huelgo, <\/span>President and <\/span>CEO of Esperanza United. What was meant to be a professional conversation quickly turned into something much more personal \u2013 because when Vivian talks about her journey, especially the years she spent working directly with survivor moms, something in me softened. I recognized the same truth I\u2019ve seen in the lives of so many women around me: that motherhood, especially when layered with the experience of violence, is not just hard \u2013 it\u2019s heroic.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Vivian shared that her path into violence-prevention work started in law school, during an internship with <\/span>LatinoJustice.<\/span><\/a> They were preparing for the <\/span>World Conference on Women in Beijing<\/span><\/a> and organizing a delegation of Latinas. One of their focus areas was domestic violence. For Vivian, it was the first time she began connecting the dots between the things she had witnessed growing up \u2013 unspoken dynamics, inequality, power imbalances \u2013 and the larger systems and structures that perpetuate them.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Listening to her reflect on that moment made me pause. So many of us have these quiet realizations in our early lives, noticing that something isn\u2019t right but not yet having the language to name it. Vivian\u2019s story reminded me how powerful it is when we finally do \u2013 and how that moment of understanding can shape a lifetime of advocacy.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

But what really struck me was the way Vivian described her time at <\/span>Sanctuary for Families,<\/span><\/a> where she represented mostly Spanish-speaking Latina immigrant women in New York City. She said the work was deeply personal, not just filing for custody or helping someone get an order of protection, but helping translate school letters, making calls, and walking alongside mothers through every part of their journey.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

She told me, <\/span>\u201cSome attorneys might say there were no boundaries, but for me, it just felt like culturally-specific work. You can\u2019t just handle the legal paperwork and ignore everything else. For these moms, it was all connected \u2013 their families, their children\u2019s schools, housing, immigration, all of it.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

And then she said something I haven\u2019t stopped thinking about: <\/span>\u201cThey asked about my parents. About how I was doing. It was never just about their case. It was a relationship.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

That level of mutual care, that honoring of the whole person, is something I\u2019ve been trying to live out in my own work. As a communicator, I often focus on the words we use, the stories we tell. But Vivian reminded me that the deepest work is often found in how we show up, how we listen, and how we refuse to compartmentalize people\u2019s lives.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Now that Vivian is a mother herself, she sees everything differently. <\/span>\u201cBack then, I thought I understood what my clients were going through. I knew their schedules, their stress. But now, as a mom, I realize it was probably so much more than what they ever told me. And that realization stays with me.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

It stays with me too. As someone who juggles a million tabs open in my mind every day, I know exactly what she means when she talks about \u201ceternal lists,\u201d those mental to-dos that never seem to end. Add to that the experience of surviving violence, navigating systems, and trying to care for others while healing yourself? That\u2019s a level of strength that deserves more than just recognition \u2013 <\/span>i<\/span>t deserves justice, support, and grace.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Vivian also spoke about how little has changed. Mothers are still held to impossible standards in legal systems. They\u2019re expected to show up on time, with well-dressed kids, with every detail handled perfectly \u2013 or they risk being judged as \u201cunfit.\u201d Meanwhile, she noted, <\/span>we still see <\/span>fathers get praised just for showing up at all.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

That imbalance, deeply rooted in bias and gendered expectations, was unfair then, and it\u2019s still unfair now. And that\u2019s why <\/span>the work we do at Esperanza United<\/span><\/a> is so critical. Vivian described how proud she is of the mothers on staff and how the organization works to offer flexibility, support, and care so that staff can show up fully for their families and their work. That\u2019s not something many workplaces offer, but it should be.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Toward the end of the conversation, I asked Vivian what message she\u2019d want to share with Latina moms who are survivors and still pushing forward every day. Her answer was simple but powerful:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

\u201cTheir resilience is inspiring. <\/span>Our advocates<\/span><\/a> talk about it all the time. We\u2019re here to meet them exactly where they are, because they\u2019re leading the way. We\u2019re not saving them; we\u2019re walking beside them.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

This Mother\u2019s Day, I hope we can all take a moment to reflect on the mothers in our lives who carry more than we know. The ones raising children while surviving violence. The ones rebuilding after loss. The ones who show up again and again because they have to \u2013 and because they believe in something better for their children.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

To the survivor moms who keep going, even when the world doesn\u2019t make it easy: we see you. We\u2019re learning from you. And we\u2019re honoring you, today and always.<\/span><\/p>