The Mothers Who Taught Me Everything

A Mother’s Day Reflection Inspired by an Interview with Vivian Huelgo, CEO of Esperanza United 

By Silvana Domke

This Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking deeply about the mothers who have shaped my understanding of strength – not just in my personal life, but through the stories I’ve had the honor to hear and share in my work. 

Recently, I had the privilege of interviewing Vivian Huelgo, President and CEO of Esperanza United. What was meant to be a professional conversation quickly turned into something much more personal – because when Vivian talks about her journey, especially the years she spent working directly with survivor moms, something in me softened. I recognized the same truth I’ve seen in the lives of so many women around me: that motherhood, especially when layered with the experience of violence, is not just hard – it’s heroic. 

Vivian shared that her path into violence-prevention work started in law school, during an internship with LatinoJustice. They were preparing for the World Conference on Women in Beijing and organizing a delegation of Latinas. One of their focus areas was domestic violence. For Vivian, it was the first time she began connecting the dots between the things she had witnessed growing up – unspoken dynamics, inequality, power imbalances – and the larger systems and structures that perpetuate them. 

Listening to her reflect on that moment made me pause. So many of us have these quiet realizations in our early lives, noticing that something isn’t right but not yet having the language to name it. Vivian’s story reminded me how powerful it is when we finally do – and how that moment of understanding can shape a lifetime of advocacy. 

But what really struck me was the way Vivian described her time at Sanctuary for Families, where she represented mostly Spanish-speaking Latina immigrant women in New York City. She said the work was deeply personal, not just filing for custody or helping someone get an order of protection, but helping translate school letters, making calls, and walking alongside mothers through every part of their journey. 

She told me, “Some attorneys might say there were no boundaries, but for me, it just felt like culturally-specific work. You can’t just handle the legal paperwork and ignore everything else. For these moms, it was all connected – their families, their children’s schools, housing, immigration, all of it.” 

And then she said something I haven’t stopped thinking about: “They asked about my parents. About how I was doing. It was never just about their case. It was a relationship.” 

That level of mutual care, that honoring of the whole person, is something I’ve been trying to live out in my own work. As a communicator, I often focus on the words we use, the stories we tell. But Vivian reminded me that the deepest work is often found in how we show up, how we listen, and how we refuse to compartmentalize people’s lives. 

Now that Vivian is a mother herself, she sees everything differently. “Back then, I thought I understood what my clients were going through. I knew their schedules, their stress. But now, as a mom, I realize it was probably so much more than what they ever told me. And that realization stays with me.” 

It stays with me too. As someone who juggles a million tabs open in my mind every day, I know exactly what she means when she talks about “eternal lists,” those mental to-dos that never seem to end. Add to that the experience of surviving violence, navigating systems, and trying to care for others while healing yourself? That’s a level of strength that deserves more than just recognition – it deserves justice, support, and grace. 

Vivian also spoke about how little has changed. Mothers are still held to impossible standards in legal systems. They’re expected to show up on time, with well-dressed kids, with every detail handled perfectly – or they risk being judged as “unfit.” Meanwhile, she noted, we still see fathers get praised just for showing up at all. 

That imbalance, deeply rooted in bias and gendered expectations, was unfair then, and it’s still unfair now. And that’s why the work we do at Esperanza United is so critical. Vivian described how proud she is of the mothers on staff and how the organization works to offer flexibility, support, and care so that staff can show up fully for their families and their work. That’s not something many workplaces offer, but it should be. 

Toward the end of the conversation, I asked Vivian what message she’d want to share with Latina moms who are survivors and still pushing forward every day. Her answer was simple but powerful: 

“Their resilience is inspiring. Our advocates talk about it all the time. We’re here to meet them exactly where they are, because they’re leading the way. We’re not saving them; we’re walking beside them.” 

This Mother’s Day, I hope we can all take a moment to reflect on the mothers in our lives who carry more than we know. The ones raising children while surviving violence. The ones rebuilding after loss. The ones who show up again and again because they have to – and because they believe in something better for their children. 

To the survivor moms who keep going, even when the world doesn’t make it easy: we see you. We’re learning from you. And we’re honoring you, today and always.