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Growing up in a Latin@ household often means growing up with sayings. They show up at family dinners, in advice from tías, in things we hear so often we stop questioning them. Some of these phrases are harmless. Others quietly taught us to accept things we never should have accepted, especially when it comes to how we understand love, safety and relationships.
This Hispanic Heritage Month, we’re looking at five of those phrases: what they meant, when we heard them, and what we know now.
“Si te cela es porque te quiere.” But is jealousy really love?
Many of us grew up hearing some version of this phrase:
“Si te cela es porque te quiere.”
“If they’re jealous, it’s because they love you.”
Maybe it came from a tía giving relationship advice. Maybe a friend said it after someone got upset about who their partner was talking to. Maybe we heard it so often that jealousy started to feel like a natural part of being in love.
For some people, the phrase may even have been shared with good intentions. It can sound like reassurance: They care about you. They don’t want to lose you.
But when jealousy becomes monitoring who someone talks to, deciding what they can wear, demanding access to their phone, or needing to know where they are at all times, we are no longer talking about affection.
We are talking about control.
We can question what we were taught
Honoring our culture does not mean we have to accept every message that has been passed down to us.
Hispanic Heritage Month gives us an opportunity to celebrate the traditions, stories, and wisdom that connect generations, while also making space to question the beliefs that may have caused harm.
Healthy love does not require someone to give up their privacy, friendships, independence, or sense of safety to prove their commitment.
Love can include vulnerability. It can include difficult conversations. But it should also include trust, respect, and the freedom to be yourself.
And sometimes, recognizing that difference begins by questioning something as familiar as a phrase we have heard our entire lives.
Recognizing the signs
If something in your relationship – or the relationship of someone you care about – does not feel right, learning about the signs of abuse can be an important place to start.
Esperanza United’s is this abuse resource can help you learn more about behaviors that may be warning signs and what support is available.
You do not have to have everything figured out before looking for information or reaching out for support.
What do we want to pass forward?
Some phrases stay with families for generations. But each generation also has the opportunity to decide what comes next.
Instead of teaching that jealousy is proof of love, we can teach that trust is love. Respect is love. Feeling safe enough to be yourself is love.
That is something worth passing down.